...and I am a Tar Heel

Last night I attended my first UNC vs. Duke Men's Basketball game, an experience that plenty of people can only wish to have, for free... sort of. Our chances of getting into were dismal and unrealistic, for all we knew, but we figured it was worth the try. Tickets were virtually impossible to come by as the three of us were only sophomores and the fourth a grad student at Tennessee. We had to wait in the standby line and pray that after all of the ticket holders took their seats their would be room to spare in our Carolina Blue stadium for a little under a hundred Tar Heels and a Volunteer. We waited in the literally freezing wether for two hours, resisting the violent wind slapping our faces as if there really were tar on our heels, it was actually just the biting chill reaching the subcutaneous layers of our feet.

After being led into the stadium the comforting warmth of the Dean Smith Center was quickly undermined by the frantic ascending and descending of stairs in search for four open seats. The disorganization of it all reminded me of that scene in the breakfast club when the kids ran through the hall while trying to avoid Mr. Vernon, we could have used the catchy 80's pop tune to calm our nerves. The seats we found, four rows from the back, smelled of stale cigarettes and were surrounded by what looked like the cast of Cocoon. What's better is that to our right sat a group wearing the wrong blue... worth every second.

I won't give the play by play. No doubt it wasn't a game for the history books, but we cheered, laughed, screamed and cursed for the next two hours as our Tar Heels fought the Battle of the Blues. We left disappointed because no matter how close our rebuilding year victory against Duke seemed it wasn't close enough. I was furious. I wanted to invent cuss words. I wanted to smoke till I threw up. Later we went back to my apartment where we smashed a pumpkin, that we for some reason had in our room, against the sidewalk. We felt a little better.

We watched Carolina play Duke in the Dean Dome the night they retired Tyler Hansbrough's jersey on a Rivalry Week Wednesday. We were in the stadium. It was a good night.

I Just Want My Song To Be True

I think I've ruined myself when it comes to music. I can't sit around and listen to something that expresses no real meaning anymore. It sort of sucks but it's also kind of awesome. See, I don't care if you got a feelin' that tonight's gonna be good night, no matter how catchy and infectious the melody you say it in is...sorry. On the other hand I don't need the intricacy offered by a face-melting riff, because as long as I can be emotionally melted by the strained, grimy voice that tells me to, "Decide who to be and go be it," that's all I'll need. One line.

How can I do that to you?

Awesome songs don't exist anymore. There is just the True and the Vain.

City Lights

I use to love the idea of living in a big city. The massive amount of people, the lights, the hectic busyness, the sound of the street, all of it just seemed thrilling. Now I live in Chapel Hill. Not a big city by any means, but a city none the less, but lately I've just wanted to drive out to some field with my guitar just so I can see the stars. Darn you, Ansel Adams.

I can't believe I just wrote something about environmentalism.

So for the longest time now I've been criticizing this whole environmental movement, due to its commercialism, but as of lately I think my thoughts on the subject have changed. Sure everyone is capitalizing on the "green" movement, but good ideas will always be used for selfish purposes. I think it is our responsibility as civilized people to do our own housekeeping. I wouldn't throw trash on my living room floor, so why would I let my trash pollute the earth. Don't get me wrong; it's dumb to let this consume your life unless it is really something that you feel as a your passionate responsibility, but I think if I can spend the extra dime on buying a product that is not as bad for the environment than I'll suck it up and do it. The harm that that would prevent is so minute you wonder why even bother right?

Researchers found that evangelical Christians and nonevangelical, born-again Christians were least likely to recycle. More than six out of 10 nonChristians, notional Christians, atheists and agnostics engaged in recycling. Only half of evangelicals and 47 percent of nonevangelical, born-again Christians recycled.

This is according to The Baptist Standard. So basically Christians are less concerned with taking care of the home that God has provided for them than non-Christians. I'm not jumping on the Green bandwagon, I just think that maybe there are responsibilities that we are neglecting because of our own selfishness. Or maybe we're not, maybe you can give me a good, sound, maybe even biblical reason that we shouldn't try to take care of this gift that God has given to us.

Ad Veritas

Truth. It's basically one of the most beautiful yet disgusting things I can think of. I hope that I always want to know the truth, regardless of how much it hurts or how awful it may seem. Without truth life might as well be a long acid trip that roller-coasters through ecstasy and misery. Have you ever assumed something about a situation and when you found out the truth it wasn't even half as bad... aren't you glad you know the truth? Even when the truth comes out to be twice as bad as what you assume, your perception of the people involved, and life, itself becomes that much more whole, rather than that much more based on fantasy. See we're all feeble minded; others have insight into what is unknown to us. If we let ourselves base reality only on what we think rather than on what the truth is then we become prisoners of our own minds. When what reality is based on someone else's deception we are prisoners of their lies. See we all have different insight into truth, and it's our responsibility to find a way to discern what of other peoples beliefs are based on truth or based on them. I don't believe we should try come up with our own beliefs just to relieve ourselves of cognitive dissonance, but we should strive to form our beliefs to align with the truth. Too many times we believe something is true just because it goes along with what we feel instead of feeling a certain way because something is true.

What is true? I guess it's our responsibility to answer that so that we know what to believe.

No, I'm not on drugs.

Telling the train's conductor.

A year worth of thoughts, rants, depression, love, hate; all wrapped up into half an hour. Yeah I've spoken here once or twice, even at this same place, but none were as overdo as this. How can I explain and teach something to a small crowd of people when I've been too selfish and cowardly to do it to people one on one. I've got a hundred things to say that can turn into millions of conversations, but I can only deliver one message. I guess this is what happens when you let your work get backed up. What do I do? I resort to ANY form of letting out information that I can, even if I don't want anyone to read it... ridiculous. I mean seriously that's so crazy it sounds like something a girl would do just to drive a dude insane.

I guess all I'm really doing is planting a seed I can't water it too. Calm down... wuss.